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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208193">antithesis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hart_of_gold/pseuds/hart_of_gold'>hart_of_gold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:27:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28208193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hart_of_gold/pseuds/hart_of_gold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You expected to find another of yoda’s species, much less under the protection of a particularly stubborn mandalorian. Little do you know its that discovery that will change life as you know it, and put all three of you in danger you never saw coming.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Din Djarin/Reader, Din Djarin/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. back to the desert</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so I posted this before here but I got super self critical and deleted the whole thing but I figured since I'm one chapter away from being done I might as well re post it because I am proud of it now and I'm excited about the ending so yeah.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disturbances in the force are easy enough to sense now. In the age of the empire, with Inquisitors, Darth Vader and The Emperor himself running around there was nothing but disturbance, a constant feeling of dread for those on the side of the light like any one of those sith could appear from around the next corner. Four years after the fall of the empire, things are calmer. It seems that the force is in balance, now that the emperor is dead though you know that since there are two jedi there have to be two sith somewhere else in the galaxy. </p><p>There’s always the threat of some other powerful sith making its way out from the shadows, finally deciding to finish what Palpatine started. So when Luke senses a disturbance in the force on Tatooine, something slicing through the calm waves of power, the two of you are a little bit nervous about what that could be. You feel it too, once he mentions it, it’s so easy for you to brush past those kinds of feelings because you're so used to them. However when you focus in, you feel it too, something is off. </p><p>You look back at Luke, who is staring down at his feet, not at the holo projector in front of the two of you and realize that whatever is happening on Tatooine isn’t the only thing that's off. You sense the uncertainty that he feels, and it confuses you, because it's not like the two of you havent been through this before. You tilt your head to the side, “Is there something I’m not seeing?” He doesn’t respond right away, “You seem uncertain.” </p><p>“I’m not-” He doesn’t know what to say, “It’s not about this exactly.” </p><p>You put your hand on his arm trying to pull him away from his thoughts, “Then what is it about?” </p><p>He turns to you, and you suddenly realize how close the two of you are. He leans in, whatever it is he wants to say, he doesn’t want anyone else to hear it if they happen to walk in. Not that there’s a high chance of anyone disturbing you, most of the senators are afraid if you to say the least. As it turns out the fact that the Jedi had been absent from the galaxy for the entirety of the empire turned them into more myth than truth. People assumed it had all been somewhat of a legend, that people with glowing light swords and all that power couldn’t have possibly existed. Therefore seeing the two of you glowing light swords and all in the senate building almost everyday made people a little uncomfortable. </p><p>He leans in, “I’m from Tatooine.” </p><p>“I’m aware,” You say, a small smile beginning to form on your face. You think he’s setting up a kind of joke, and that he’s been messing with you this entire time. </p><p>“I haven’t been back since my parents were killed.” </p><p>You nod. He looks sadly at the floor, and you can feel the emotion coming off of him in jagged waves of hurt and a longing of some sort. You don’t ask, because he knows that you can sense it. “I’ll go, okay?” </p><p>“Thank you.” </p><p>You’re still standing there when Leia appears in the doorway, arms crossed. When he sees her, Luke says good luck to you and walks out of the room. Leia saunters down the stairs and stands in front of you with her arms crossed again. The only thing you can think is that she definitely has the disappointed mother look down pat. </p><p>She asks, “What was that?” </p><p>“What was what?” </p><p>“What I just saw between the two of you.” </p><p>“There was nothing, less than nothing. He wants me to go to the desert, what you just witnessed was a punishment.” </p><p>She makes a face, “That is bad.” Then she pauses, “Don’t think that I don’t know what’s going on with you.” </p><p>“Nothing is going on with me, not a single thing. I just hang out here or I’m going to some random planet to make sure nothing untoward is happening, and sometimes I pull out my laser sword and use it to cut down trees or something. That is my life, nothing is going on.” </p><p>She doesn’t believe you and you can tell. You wish she wouldn’t look at you like that, you wish that no one knew about it. “Other than the fact that you're in love with my brother, of course,” She’s laughing at you which makes the whole thing worse somehow. </p><p>“We are not talking about that,” Your voice gets way higher than you mean it too. You cough and try to lower it, “We are never talking about that because I have to go to Tatooine.” And with that you walk out of the room ceremoniously leaving Leia to just shake her head. </p><p>Tatooine is just as terrible as you thought it would be. As soon as you get off your ship, your feet sink down into the sand which sends a chill through your body. It’s the kind of place where you can’t quite get your footing, because the wind is always blowing more sand around everything is always shifting. That and it’s unbearably hot, which is not helped by the sand. It seems to reflect the sun and make it even hotter. You hate it, and you wonder if Luke really meant what he said or if he just hates it here too. </p><p>You give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s him, and the two of you have been through enough for you to assume that he did have a good reason for sending you here alone. You have no idea what that reason could possibly be, but you know it’s something. Ahead of you, you see what you think is a structure sticking out of a nearby cave. You walk forward and sink into the sand as you do, feeling lucky that you were born on a farm. </p><p>As you get closer you see that it is a small structure built into the side of a cave so that it’s bigger. Right when you’re close enough to be seen, the hair on the back of your neck stands straight up and you duck as fast as you can. As soon as you're on the ground, a blaster bolt flies right over your head and you sigh. Whatever this is, there’s something guarding it that does not want to be found. You roll your eyes and try to get to a better position all while spitting sand out of your mouth. This is not going to be as easy as you thought it was. </p><p>Instead of getting back onto your feet you roll to the side where there’s a large rock sticking out of the ground and get behind it. In hindsight, you shouldn’t have been right out into the open when you didn’t know what was ahead of you. Luke would have reminded you of that, if only he were here. </p><p>Before you can finish your thought, a Mandalorian in full armor walks out of the structure and stands at the entrance with a blaster clutched in his hand. “Holy shit,” That shakes you to your core, you thought they were all gone or at least most of them. You duck down behind the rock again, trying not to make a sound. Suddenly you can’t catch your breath and you're panicking not because you're afraid but because of something else. More so than when you first got here, you regret coming and you regret coming alone. </p><p>You climb to the top of the rock and try to peek over again. Normally there would be some kind of strategy involved but you’ve decided that you're just gonna show off a little bit and see what sticks. You jump on top of the rock, which is up higher than you realized and he starts shooting as soon as he sees you. </p><p>You duck every shot and jump off the rock which lands you a few feet away from him. He takes a shot right at the head, and you stop it midair which is part of the showing off strategy. That surprises him, which you expected, the whole blaster bolt hanging in the air is quite something. You let it hang for a minute and then move a few inches to the right and let it go so it crashes into the rock. </p><p>“Hello there,” You say and give a little wave. </p><p>He lunges at you this time, dropping his blaster to the side once he realizes that it’s probably useless. Oh he wants to go hand to hand, you think and it makes you smile. He comes at you with a flurry of easily dodge-able kicks and punches to which you respond by coming back just as hard with your own. You push him back farther and father, not letting up so that he doesn't even have time to think that he could beat you. Soon enough you have him on the ground pinned using the force mostly but a bit of your own body weight. You blow straight hair out of your face and say, “That was fun, now you have something that I need.” </p><p>And as if on cue a small green thing walks out of the opening and stands at your feet. “Holy fuck,” Your eyes widen as you realize that thing looks a lot like Yoda. You can feel it immediately, he is what you're looking for. “You have a little baby-“ </p><p>He takes advantage of the fact that you're distracted and flips you over onto the ground so that he’s the one with the advantage. You curse again, your voice low, because it hurt when you hit the ground, badly enough that you can’t get back up. He looks at you and sighs before grabbing onto your leg and pulling you through the sand and into the hut. “So you're just gonna pull me? You're just gonna pull me through the sand through the disgusting sand, sir-“ when you hit hard ground and your head bounces up, “And now you're gonna drag me against rocks? Little inhumane don’t you think?” </p><p>You can tell he’s glaring at you, even with the helmet as he drops your legs to the ground dramatically. The child stands at his feet watching the entire thing, “How did you find me?” </p><p>“I don’t know if you know this, but that thing-“ Your eyes are fixed on the child, “Is a beacon to anyone who can use the force.” </p><p>“The what?” </p><p>You roll your eyes, “Why does that not surprise me?” He’s genuinely confused, and you can tell, though it's not going to stop you from pushing his buttons as much as you can.“I could explain, if you would just let me up-“ You try and sit up, but he points another blaster in your face. “Or not.” You raise your arms over your head, but he doesn’t seem like he’s getting the message. “Yeah okay this has been fun and all but-“ With one move of your finger the blaster flies out of his hand and against the wall the sound echoing throughout the cave. You take advantage of his confusion, and get to your feet, even though you're a little shaky and there’s a lot of sand in your hair. </p><p>You pull your lightsaber out of its holster, surprised that he hasn’t noticed it there. You light it and hold it right at his throat. His beskar armor can repel lightsaber strikes, you know that but you're not sure he does, or at the very least the throat is open enough for you to kill him if need be. He steps back and raises his own arms in surrender, understanding that he’s beat for the most part. The blade glows bright green, reflecting off his armor barely, and you smile, “We’re gonna play nice now, okay?” </p><p>He realises something. “Jedi,” He says, his voice lighter, there's a hint of amazement in there somewhere.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. so we're doing this</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you have an actual conversation with the mandalorian.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Depends on the day,” You shrug, careful not to accidentally jam the lightsaber into his throat. “But you’ve heard of me. Good things I hope.” You know that if he does know anything about Jedi it’s probably not good things, what with the history between Mandalorians and Jedi. However you have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn’t know all that much, because he didn't try and kill you upon realizing that you were a jedi, and he seems to be afraid of the lightsaber. </p><p>He tilts his head to the side. “The sorcerer's part was right,” He says under his breath. </p><p>You hear him and you move the lightsaber a little bit just to make him nervous, “Huh?” You move it again. “Can you speak up? Say that again maybe? I couldn't quite hear it.” </p><p>“I was told that you were a race of enemy sorcerers.” </p><p>Jackpot. “Enemy? Sounds familiar, though the last time I was called an enemy was by the Empire. You don’t work for them, do you Mando? I thought they got rid of the Mandalorians when they got too independent for the Empire’s liking.” He almost makes a move forward, and you know you’ve hit a pressure point. It’s a bit of a low blow, but you’re still mad that he got all that sand in your hair. “Unless they left you specifically, I’m going to need a bit more elaboration.” </p><p>He huffs, and it’s a bit childlike for a man of his stature, “A fellow Mandalorian. There was a war between Mandalorians and Jedi, and you destroyed our world. You scorched it to ash, leaving us standing in the remains.” </p><p>You don’t even pay attention to the last half of what he’s saying because you’re so fixated on the first sentence, there are Mandalorians that are left. You haven’t let yourself think that there could be more left, not even one. What the empire did to Mandalore, was worse than what the Jedi did, more worse than anyone could have imagined and you didn’t think that anyone could have survived that. You almost smile because you realize how crazy that was now, Mandalorians have survived worse, and they always manage to survive somehow. “What clan are you-” </p><p>Before he can answer the lightsaber flies out of your hands and almost kills you (it doesn’t seem intentinal but if you hadn’t ducked then it would’ve ended up stabbing you somewhere or taking your head clean off). You duck to the ground, unsure of what could’ve caused that, and turn around to see the child staring at you with a cold look in it’s eyes. You would never admit it aloud, but that thing scared you in that moment. Something about the fact that it could’ve easily killed you and the mandalorian would’ve had to hide your body, and the way it’s looking at you now like it hasn’t decided if it’s going to kill you yet. </p><p>Despite that, you try and intimidate it into submission. You narrow your eyes, “Little fucking baby-” </p><p>Before you can finish the Mandalorian extends his hand to you, and you take it cautiously. He helps you up, then turns to the baby again, bending down so that he’s closer to it’s height. “Don’t do that,” He says with all the severity of a parent who just caught their child breaking things in the kitchen, “We’ve talked about this.” </p><p>You stifle a laugh, and bend down next to him. “He’s a baby, even if he could understand you he wouldn’t listen,” You tell him. </p><p>“He’s fifty years old.” </p><p>You try to keep your jaw from dropping to the floor, “Excuse me?” </p><p>“They told me he was fifty years old.” </p><p>“That thing is-?” You sigh, “Of course it is, I don’t know why I’m even surprised at this point.” You look the child in the eyes again, “Well then since your fifty you little fucking baby, I wouldn’t try any of that again because you won’t like what happens when I’m angry.” </p><p>The Mandalorian looks at you and you wish that you could see the look on his face. </p><p>“He controls his power when he wants to, doesn’t he?” You take the silence as a resounding yes. “You have to know that people have noticed, I mean if I’ve noticed that means that he is a beacon to those who want to use his power for things that would give you nightmares. You mentioned how the jedi scorched Mandalore? What you have in your hands is a baby jedi.” He holds the child a little bit tighter in his arms. You narrow your eyes, “But you already know all of this don’t you?” </p><p>He lets his guard down just a little, “I found him working a bounty for the empire. They are very interested in retrieving him again.” </p><p>Your face falls, well that definitely does not make this any easier. You add to your mental list of things that have gone wrong today: the empire is back because of course they are. It wasn’t a thought that had crossed your mind, at least not in the last few years, both parties had signed the disarmament treaties and no one had heard anything from any of the empire remnants that were left. You all assumed that you wouldn't because none of them really had any structure, they were just groups of people clinging to the machine they had spent their lives building, but nothing had come of it. Correction, nothing had come of it yet, now it seemed there was a remnant trying to make a power grab of some kid though you're not sure how they gained the location of a child even Luke didn’t know existed until now. </p><p>You get up onto your feet finally, then try and breathe for a second. “What do you mean by ‘the empire’?” </p><p>“What do you think I mean?” </p><p>You call the lightsaber back to your hand, and ignite it at your side. “Answer the question,” A pause, “Please?” </p><p>“Moff Gideon, he said he was. I thought it was a small group at first, a man, a scientist and a few stormtroopers but when I didn’t return the child to them there were a lot more.” </p><p>“Sounds like them,” You say, starting to pace the floor a little bit to think. “So you decided to hide out on Tatooine because you know no one in their right mind would come to this planet, much less out into this desert.” </p><p>“Except you,” He says, like it's an accusation. </p><p>You give him a pained smile, “I’m special, remember?” You’re beginning to get tired of this, waiting for the empire to show up every second. You don’t know if you should tell him that they will show up eventually, because they never give up, that is the one thing about them that everyone knows. They will find what they want and they will take it unless someone stops them, you’re not sure if he could stop them.</p><p>“What do you want?” He asks, finally. You feel like you’ve been here so long that even you forgot what you’d originally come for. </p><p>“Him,” You say, gesturing to the child. “There’s not a lot else here.” </p><p>“No.”</p><p>You roll your eyes, “Don’t be like that Mando, you don’t know how to handle him. You didn’t even know what he was until I came here and told you. This is not your battle.”  </p><p>He’s angry, and it comes off of him in steady waves, more powerful as the seconds draw on. <br/>“And it’s yours?” It’s confrontational, and you know he’s only saying it because he’s angry, which he is because he’s clearly very attached to the small yoda, child… thing? </p><p>“It is,” You say, trying very hard not to provoke him any further. “I know what it’s like to have his powers, I know what he’s up against, I know the people who are after him and what they're capable of.” You pause, “It’s in his best interest to have him come with me.” </p><p>“I don’t even know you, I don’t know who you are besides someone who has tried to kill me twice in the past hour.” </p><p>You huff, “I wasn’t trying to kill you. I was trying to keep you from killing me.” You pause, a little more indignant, “I know your scared of me, that’s okay, a lot of people are, but I came all the way out here-” </p><p>“I’m not afraid of you,” He tells you, “But you’re not taking him.” </p><p>You leave after he says that. Not because you're giving up, but because you need a break. You need a second because you can feel yourself ready to boil over with frustration, and anger which is something that you don’t want even him to see. You head back to your ship, to try and cool off and think of some kind of plan. </p><p>When you're inside, you turn on your communicator and a hologram of Luke appears. He’s smiling which makes you want to punch him in his stupid perfect teeth because of the morning you’ve had. “How are things going?” He asks. </p><p>“Absolutely terrible thank you for asking,” You snap back suddenly very angry that he’s not here with you. “There’s a child of  yoda's species and that’s what’s causing the disturbance. There are empire remnants after it, apparently.” </p><p>“How large?” His surprise mirrors that of yours when you first heard about it. </p><p>“Large, there was an attack where they almost leveled a bar trying to get the asset back. I saw it on my way in, but I didn’t know what caused it until I talked to the Mandalorian.” </p><p>“The mandalorian?” He sees you nod and his expression turns into something else, “Are you okay? With that I mean.”</p><p>You face flushes but you know he can't see it, “It’s fine. I’m at an impasse here, I don’t know what to do, he won’t let the child come with me because he doesn’t trust me.”</p><p>“How did you approach him?” Luke asks you and you know where he’s trying to get with that. </p><p>“He attacked me first,” You cross your arms over your chest defensively. </p><p>He sighs, “You fought a Mandalorian.” </p><p>You roll your eyes, “Stop sounding so disappointed in me. You don’t know them like I do, they only respond to aggression at first and then you might be able to have a conversation.” He’s hiding a smile you can tell, “We’ve had this conversation before, I think we had this conversation when we first met.” </p><p>“You remember the first time we met very differently than I do.” </p><p>“I remember a lot of things differently than you do,” You smile back. </p><p>Suddenly you hear a noise, and the hair on the back of your neck stands up again signaling that something is coming. You turn around to try and see out into the desert, completely disregarding whatever Luke is saying. That’s when you see it, speeder bikes heading right for you, with stormtroopers piloting them.</p><p>“You have got to be screwing with me,” You growl looking out into the distance.</p><p>“Hey,” Luke says softly, “Calm down, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Speaking of the empire? There here.”</p><p>His face falls, “Okay, okay.” He starts pacing and suddenly he’s the Luke you met on Dagobah all those years ago, the one who was still reckless and stubborn and headstrong just like you are now. Before he found out Vader was his father, before he went to finish his training with Master Yoda something about those two events changed him a little. Deep down he’s still that kid with eyes locked on the horizon, that you know for sure. But over the past few years he’s mellowed a bit, been able to think about the problem before running right at it.You on the other hand, hadn’t quite learned that lesson yet, and you’re about to show it off. “I’m going to talk to Leia, and we’re going to send reinforcements-“</p><p>“The senate is not going to send troops here, Luke, you know that,” You say, peering over your cockpit window to try and get a better look.</p><p>“They will,” His voice is firm, “I’m going to make sure that they do.”</p><p>You look him in the eyes, hoping that he can’t feel the fear that you have from all those light years away. “Okay.”</p><p>“I’m coming,” He says, his eyes never leaving yours. It’s one of those things where he doesn’t have to say anything for you to know what he means. He means that he’ll do whatever it takes, he will plow down anyone in his path, and deep down that’s who Luke Skywalker is loyal until the end. “I’m coming okay? Just hold on.”</p><p>You smile a little, trying to make him worry less, “I can handle it.” </p><p>“I know.” </p><p>“I have to go, but I’ll see you okay?”</p><p>You don’t even wait for his response because they're too close. You abruptly shut off the communicator and run off the ship, hoping that the troops won’t see it but knowing that they’ll see you before you can get back to the structure. I have a bad feeling about this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. there's a storm you're starting now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the empire is actually back, and you feel like your right back where you started.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>gonna put a warning on this one for badly described action scenes... oops</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now this is a situation in which some kind of strategy could have and should have been implemented. Something you can do is and keep them from getting any closer, which would then allow you an escape route before they could gather themselves enough to follow. Of course, because you can let go of that recklessness you’ve had since you were a child, you don’t do that, you don’t really think at all for a long term. What you want to do is hold them off for as long as it takes Luke to smack some sense into the senate, you’re trying not to think about the fact that even with all of his tenacity it’s going to take a while and you have no idea what’s waiting for you.</p><p>You hang back and wait at first, hoping that they don’t see you when the first scout out the area. Luckily they don’t you watch as the troopers get off the bikes and walk through the sands, guns drawn. You can’t see a leader with them at first, but you figure there is one because most stormtroopers that you’d seen wouldn’t really know how to pull off an operation like this on their own. They seem harmless from your perspective, like they wouldn’t even find the place if they looked for the whole afternoon. But you know better, the many squadrons of stormtroopers you’d faced off against showed you that they could be much smarter than they seemed, and some of them had lightsabers. </p><p>These ones luckily did not have lightsabers, but you know better than to assume they wouldn’t find what they were looking for. So you creep out of the ship slowly, and sneak up behind a couple of them who have separated from the group. Before they can even make a noise, they're down on the ground motionless and you’re beginning to think that maybe you missed battle just a little bit. </p><p>You wait until two more separate off from the group, and you stand on top of the rock, then jump down to get both of them on the four day before you can even see you coming. </p><p>There are about ten more of them, which you know because all of them have their weapons trained on you. This is fine, you think. The lightsaber flies into your hands, then ignites before they start shooting. You block the bolts easily, and throw half of them away from you, taking down the other half. You duck more of their shots, ready to finish them off when a figure in black appears out of the dust. </p><p>All of the stormtroopers look to him, and they move to the sides so it’s just you and him. You don’t really know what’s going on, and all you can think is who is this guy? </p><p>He looks you over, and fixes his eyes on the lightsaber for a moment. He reaches out and pulls a blade out of his coat. You don’t recognize it at first but as soon as he ignites it, and the jet black blade stands out amongst the bright yellows of the desert your eyes go wide. This is a lot more complicated than you could’ve thought. You lunge at him, eager to get this over with and he comes back with a talented swing that you didn’t expect. </p><p>Somehow he figured out how to use it properly. Not using a lightsaber form of any kind but he knows enough to be dangerous. The two of you fight in a clash of black and green, lighting up the desert in bright colors and filling the air with the sound of power connecting with power.</p><p>You start to realize that you might be a little outmatched. Okay maybe not outmatched, maybe evenly matched but needless to say your not winning this as fast as you want to. You pull back and try to use the ship as cover to gain an advantage, but he sees what you're doing and orders the troopers to fire. </p><p>You no longer have a way home as it turns out. The troopers fire destroys your ship, and it explores in a blast of orange color, which sends you back a few feet and onto your back again. There’s a pattern that’s beginning to from, and you do not like it. </p><p>He comes over to you and holds out the darksaber to your neck like he’s won, “I’ve always wanted to meet a Jedi, and then kill one.” </p><p>“Today’s not the day,” You say jumping to your feet and punching him in the face. He doesn’t see it coming, and one more kick sends him sprawling to the ground. You cut across his leg eith your lightsaber, leaving him gasping in pain. </p><p>Then you run, you don’t know where your doing at first but when you see what you assume is the mandalorian’s you run to it as fast as you can. You manage to climb on just as the door closes. </p><p>“Su cuy'gar,” He grumbles when he sees you get in. </p><p>You narrow your eyes at him, “Surprised?” The anger bubbles up in your chest and there’s no use controlling it at this point. He looks at you, most likely surprised that you understood what he’d said, so you use that and the next thing he knows he's on the ground with your foot on his chest. The ship shakes briefly with the force of him hitting the ground. </p><p>“Calm down,” He says </p><p>“I am calm,” You say, your foot still on his chest, “Just when you say, ‘the empire’ it’s better if you specify that it’s a moff with the darksaber. It’s just a very important piece of information considering I could’ve just died trying to save your ass, okay?” You’re scary calm when you say it, which you can tell makes the tension in the air worse. </p><p>He doesn’t say anything but it seems like he gets the message, and he starts off toward the cockpit when you let him up. He waits for the child to follow him, but it doesn't, it stays glued to your leg. When he sees that, he stops waiting and just leaves, what you can feel is disappointment in his wake. If it makes him feel any better he’s not the only one who is disappointed, you’re stuck on this ship with the four of them now unable to contact Luke or Leia or anyone. </p><p>You take a seat, with the child on your lap. He grabs onto your finger and takes hold which makes you a little calmer than you were before. If there were any time to think of a game plan, it would be now when it’s just you in the cold vacuum of space. </p><p>Meditation has always been hard for you to master.  Your mind is always running, you're always thinking, always moving, so sitting down and not letting your mind wander is a challenge. But somehow, on the ship which shakes and rumbles as it flies through space, you manage to do it for all of ten minutes. You can see Luke on Tatooine, standing in the midst of a squadron of new republic pilots, looking for something. He’s looking for you. He came looking for you but all he found was dust, and rubble. He moves to the blown out hull of where your ship used to be and you can feel his worry for you even though you're far away. You’re reaching out to him, trying to tell him that you're alive, that you're coming back but you can't reach him. You're just left to watch as he searches for you in vain, and that hurts you more than you can say. You blame yourself because you can't focus enough to spiritually connect with the force, you can use it’s physical aspects easily but things like this, the reaching out that Luke and Leia can do so easily you’ve never been able to get that far. </p><p>You open your eyes again and you're frustrated, you kick the edge of the wall in front of you and decide to head up into the cockpit. The Mandalorian hears you come up and turns to you with his arms crossed over his chest. “What do you want?” </p><p>You sit against the edge of the control panel, making sure that you don’t press any buttons. “You know where we could very easily go?” He doesn’t bite but you take a pause just in case he wants to. “Chandrila, you could just drop me off right there. I'll take the child with me and all's right with the world.” </p><p>“You really don’t give up do you?” He spins his seat around, and tries to ignore you. </p><p>“It’s the fact that this is my only job that makes me this way,” You shrug. “When I said all the time in the world, I meant all the time in the world. Not to mention that I pretty much saved your life back there so I think you owe me.”</p><p>“I don’t owe you that much.” You let out a huff and sit there quietly until he turns to you again. There’s a pause, and then he turns to you with a look you can't decipher and it's not because of the helmet. “You called that weapon Gideon had, a darksaber, what is that? And how do you know about it?” </p><p>Heat rises to your cheeks and you tighten your grip on the underside of the control panel. There’s not a truthful explanation that’ll keep him from asking more questions, the darksaber is Mandalorian legend (so it surprises you that he didn’t recognize it right away, but then again a lot of history was lost when the empire twisted Mandalore into their weapon), which is something that as far as he knows you should know nothing about. You absentmindedly reach for the lightsaber, not that you're going to attack, it's just a tick you have when you get nervous. </p><p>“How do you not know?” You tease him, trying to distract from his question, “The darksaber was used right before the destruction of the death star to unite the five tribes of Mandalore under one ruler, that was not of clan Vizsla.” He doesn’t seem like he’s getting it, “You're odd for a mandalorian.”  </p><p>“You know a lot about Mandalore,” He says, eyeing you suspiciously. </p><p>You curse yourself internally, you walked right into that one. You’ve always been a bit too eager to show off the information you know. “It’s such a curiosity,” You say by way of excuse. You shrug, “And it’s always nice to know your enemy.” That’s what seals it off, any hope of cooperation or even begrudging familiarity. You had to do something to remind him that you weren’t friends, and that he should be suspicious of you, he should be afraid of you. “I’ve had access to some of the empire's old archives, they were meticulous with their record keeping.” </p><p>“So you read all of it?” He says. “I find that hard to believe.”</p><p>You scoff, “Rude. I love to read.” </p><p>“Oh do you? You strike me as more of a-” He pauses, like he couldn’t describe you even if he tried, and he’s trying. “-hurricane.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. who is she?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you meet someone from your past, and suddenly have to protect the mandalorian.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You really don’t know whether to be offended by him calling you a hurricane or not. Very easily you could push him onto the ground, put your foot on his chest for the third time today and show him who’s boss, show him that he shouldn’t doubt you or mess with you just like you do everyone else. Only you don’t, you let it breeze past you, and you don’t overthink it. You can’t quite explain why but you think it has something to do with the fact that you might be getting through that thick helmet finally. </p><p>He doesn’t know what he means by it either. As he looks at you, really takes a good look for the first time in the whirlwind of a day, he doesn’t know what to make of you. It’s a new feeling since he is very good at judging people at least he thinks, or at the very least he forms opinions on people within seconds of meeting them and it usually stays that way. It hasn’t stayed that way with you, he thought something about you that he doesn’t want to repeat at the beginning of the day but it’s been changing ever since then. You’ve gone from enemy, to menace, to women who took out twenty stormtroopers single handedly, who can cut through anything with that lightsaber who might just be a real life jedi, to know when you're something else entirely. </p><p>When he looks at you, you're closer to earth. You’re grounded as you stand in front of him, like you’ve settled down the dust is beginning to clear and he thinks that maybe the real you is shining through. For the first time he wants to know you, really know you, you're a mystery that he’s desperate to solve and that scares him a little. Not as much as you scare him, because you’ve had him on the ground unable to move twice today which is more than anyone else has. </p><p>“You’re staring,” You say, trying to cut through the silence. </p><p>“I’m not,” He shoots back, “Just happened to be looking in your direction, you don’t know what I was looking at.” </p><p>“Whatever you say, Mando,” You start to think about leaving but you don’t. Something makes you want to stay put, you just want to sit there and be next to him for as long as you can which is something that you don’t want to get into. “Can I ask where we’re going, then?” </p><p>“No,” He says. </p><p>You cross your arms, “This feels a bit like kidnapping then.” </p><p>He sighs, so verbally that you can hear it through the helmet, “Not if you willingly got into the ship.” </p><p>“When I did it was because I didn’t want to be captured by the empire,” You narrow your eyes, “Maybe not kidnapping but definitely entrapment.” </p><p>“Do you always talk this much?” </p><p>“Yes,” You don’t miss a beat. “Is it annoying? Do you think I’m MirchiKyramud?” You tease, hoping to maybe annoy him into submission. “There’s a very easy solution, just drop me off with the child and I’ll be out of your hair.” </p><p>He turns to you, “You think you’re so smart don’t you?” </p><p>“I know I am, but thank you for the compliment.” </p><p>“It’s not a-” He stops, realizing that it's a battle he’s not going to win. </p><p>You tap your fingers against the console, half to break the tension filled silence and half because you're trying to think of what to do. The adrenaline of fighting off about twenty stormtroopers and not dying when presented with the darksaber has yet to wear off, and your brain is running at a speed where it's hard to comprehend anything. There are other people, people you know who would be able to come up with a plan in this situation and execute the plan to perfection. You on the other hand are scuffed around the edges and your first instinct is to fight your way out of it, which is impossible here because the cockpit is very small. That and the kind of fighting you want to do would destroy the console, which would most likely end in all three of your deaths which would defeat the purpose. </p><p>That’s the conundrum. </p><p>A conundrum which is compounded by the fact that the Mandalorian is staring at you again. </p><p>“Yes?” You ask, “You look like you have a question.” </p><p>“I don’t look like anything,” He shoots back. </p><p>You take a deep breath, “Just ask me, whatever it is.” </p><p>“You understood what I said when I-”</p><p>“Insulted me?” </p><p>“It’s not an insult,” He says, like he’s already got his answer. </p><p>You sigh, “It’s insulting to me for you to act surprised that I’m still alive when you left me to the empire.” He’s surprised at that, you can tell. “But you're wondering how I know that, and the answer is it’s none of your business seeing as I’m not even supposed to be here.” </p><p>He grumbles something under his breath, something that you can’t hear this time and you sigh in reply. Suddenly a planet comes into view, “What is that?” </p><p>“Nevarro,” He replies. </p><p>“Why would you go there?” </p><p>“To meet with some friends.” </p><p>“That is unnecessarily ominous.” </p><p>Nevarro isn’t any better than Tatooine. It’s still dry, sandy which reminds you that there’s still sand in your hair. The wind blows through the city square you walk through, and you cross your arms over your chest huffing out a frustrated breath. The mandalorian shut down all of the other questions you asked him once you got into orbit leaving you mildly confused. You follow him anyway because he’s your only way off this dust bowl and you still need the child he’s so very protective of. Though you're beginning to wonder if the little thing is more trouble than he’s worth. </p><p>You trudge close behind the Mandalorian through the sand, trying to keep yourself from accidentally making eye contact with anyone else. You would never admit it, but you’re a little out of your element. You’ve never been someone who’s used to being in the city even after the war you still feel removed from places like this, like a fish out of water. </p><p>The Mandalorian is on edge just like you are. You can tell from his body language, and from the way he’s been carrying himself since your time in the cockpit. For someone whose face is concealed he gives off a lot of hints about his feelings in his body language. The run in with the empire has rattled him more than he wants anyone to know, and he’s scared of the dark saber more than he wants you to know. </p><p>“Can I ask why you would meet with known associates with the empire on your tail? I didn’t kill all of the stormtroopers, I killed some of them but I definitely didn’t kill Gideon and if he’s come after you twice he’s going to go for lucky number three.” He quickens his pace and you keep up with ease. “Seems like you're walking into a trap, unless you want another confrontation with them?” </p><p>“I want to warn them,” He stops and turns to you, “The empire is after them too.” </p><p>“You care about them enough to put yourself at risk,” You narrow your eyes, “Interesting.” </p><p>“Interesting?” He repeats like a question. He wonders what you're trying to get at, but you don’t say anything else so he just keeps walking.</p><p>You meet his friends for all of five minutes before you’ve got your lightsaber at the throat of someone outside the crowded Cantina. People pass by but they don’t notice, which makes your skin crawl. You turn your attention back to the man in front of you, “How did you find him?” You growl. </p><p>He smiles a sick smile, “We have eyes everywhere.” </p><p>“Do you?” Suddenly you feel the Mandalorians presence behind your back, but you don’t pay him any attention. “In case you weren’t aware, you lost the war. The empire is dead.” </p><p>“You think you won Jedi? You're more of a fool than I thought. The empire can’t be destroyed, we’ll always be there in the shadows, waiting until your republic is weak.” You can’t quite explain why but that shakes you to your core. </p><p>You drop him to the ground and he runs off. You turn back to the Mandalorian, unsure. He grabs your hand, “We have to go.” </p><p>But when you turn around you see that the crowds that had been walking through the market have cleared, and standing in the middle of the plaza is a woman with a jet black cloak covering everything but her face. Not a good sign. The Mandalorian steps forward, but you hold out your hand against his chest and stop him from moving forward. “Hukaat'kama,” You say and he nods. </p><p>The figure stands in the middle of the plaza, and when you step forward she pulls down her hood to reveal her face. She pulls down the hood to reveal her brown skin, and dark black hair braided back in small braids she undoes the cloak all together and lets it fly off in the wind. You recognise her, and you freeze. </p><p> </p><p>Seeing her sends you back into a memory you thought that you would be able to forget. You can smell the smoke from the village, and see the fire overtaking the homes, and her standing in the middle of all of it, reveling in the destruction she inflicted. There’s someone else too, standing off to the side out of sight. He stands and surveys the wreckage with a look on his face that you can’t forget. </p><p>The Mandalorian calls out your name from behind you which shakes you back into the present. This is a different town, with the same woman, only you're here now and you can protect it.You take an offensive stance, and unsheath your own lightsaber, ready to strike if she moves towards you. In response, she unsheathes her own and ignites it, the red blade sticking out against the yellow of the sun and the landscape. You were right on that one too. It’s the second time in less than a day that you’re going to have to do lightsaber combat which is more than you’ve done in a long time. But you’ve convinced yourself that you're ready for this, and you have people to protect so there’s no room for error. </p><p>She lunges at your first, which doesn’t surprise you and you jump back and she misses the strike at you. At first, it doesn’t look like she has an abundance of skills, and you’re trying to gauge how good she is with the hopes of knowing who she is and where she comes from. You try not to panic at the possibility of more sith hiding in the shadows and focus on winning this battle. You go on the offensive, moving forward and swinging at her rapidly but controlled so that she can’t think of a counter offensive. </p><p>She pushes back on you, aiming at your head which you block and then going lower which you also block. You take a couple of steps back and break into a run, pushing her back using a combination of physical strength and the force, which sends her flying back through the air about ten feet. You think it’s over, but soon enough she comes back into the plaza, a light film of debris covering her upper body. So she doesn’t give up easily, you note that. </p><p>Before you can even think of something she comes at you at a speed you’ve never seen and pins you up against the wall surrounding the plaza. She holds the lightsaber to your neck dangerously close to slitting your throat. She looks at you with not an ounce of feeling in her eyes, she just looks in disgust. “Jedi,” She sneers, “You’ve become stronger than the last time I saw you.” </p><p>“Strong enough to kill you,” You respond. </p><p>Then she smiles, “You’re father thought the same, and where did that leave him?” </p><p>Suddenly you kick her right in the stomach, sending her back clutching it. “It left you with an enemy,” You kick again and her lightsaber falls out of her hands as she stumbles back. Then you punch, knowing that she won’t be able to block all of them and put the lightsaber to the side as you use your normal combat skills. You take your own lightsaber and point it at her throat, as you throw hers through the nearest wall so she can’t use it. </p><p>“Now-“ You start, “Where’s the empire?”  </p><p>She spits, “I don’t work for them.” </p><p>“Liar,” You reply, “Scum like you are always working for one master or another. Who is it?” </p><p>Suddenly something slices over your head, and her lightsaber is in her hands, but instead of facing off against you, she runs. You don’t even think about following because you're a little out of breath, and the idea of facing off against her again is not appealing. You fall to the ground and try not to let the tears pricking your eyes fall onto your face. If you weren’t in the middle of a public place, you’d probably let out a deep guttural scream. </p><p>The Mandalorian appears at your side. “What the hell just happened?” </p><p>You don’t even register what he says, you don’t even look at him. “I thought I killed her.” You don’t even notice him there, you're too consumed with your own failure. “I was supposed to kill her!” You say loudly, and the stones of the town square crack at the force of your anger.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>remember when we didn't know who the woman in the cloak was from the trailer and we thought she was going to be some mysterious sith? simpler times honestly.. @ lucasfilm please give us a badass sith who is also a woman of color im begging</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. till I'm bloody</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the aftermath of the fight with the sith.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He steps back, and then he looks at your hands, “You’re bleeding.” </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You’re hands.” </p><p>Your hands are bleeding, cut from the strikes that you pelted your opponent with. You sigh as the adrenaline fades to reveal the stinging in your hands. “They are.” </p><p>He does the head tilt that you’ve become used to again, and the child’s pod comes floating up behind him. “Let’s go back to the ship,” He says, “I’ll take care of it.” </p><p>It’s when you’re back on the ship that you sit back and realize how tired you are. He appears in front of you and sits starting to wash out the cuts on your hands. It’s silent for a long time. He sees that you're off in your own world again, not even noticing his presence and he desperately wants to know why. </p><p>“What did you mean when you said you should’ve killed her?” He asks finally.</p><p>The sound of his voice snaps you back into the present and you sigh, suddenly wincing at the sharp pain in your hand. “Isn’t that self explanatory?” You say, trying to keep the energy that you usually have. It fails flat and you both know it. He tilts his head again, which seems to be his go to expression of emotion. “I grew up on a farm out in the middle of nowhere on a planet in the middle of nowhere. My father and I would walk to the small town nearby, and one day we showed up and it was on fire. Buildings were burning, people were dead in the middle of the street, and she stood right in the middle of it. She came because she was looking for him and they both knew it.” </p><p>“She killed him,” He finishes after you pause. </p><p>“He gave up,” You correct him, “I saw it, he was more talented than her but he gave up. It was probably seeing everything broken like that, and thinking that it was his fault that sent him over the edge.” You try and stop a wave of emotions and start wondering why you're even saying any of this in the first place. It would’ve been so much easier to lie. “Obviously I tried to kill her, and I thought I did but clearly I did not.” </p><p>You lapse into silence as he begins wrapping the palms of your hands. At first he decides that he’s not going to say anything, but as the time draws on his curiosity gets the better of him. “What is she?”</p><p>“A sith,” You explain. “If Jedi are the enemy of the Mandalorians, then the Sith are our enemy. They are force users who use their abilities to gain power and evil, usually they’re ruthless and have been corrupted by the dark side.” He doesn’t say anything for a while and you suddenly feel very self conscious, you shrug, “Their lightsabers are usually a bit cooler however.” </p><p>You can’t tell if he knows you're trying to make a joke. More silence, more wrapping of your hands, and you're suddenly aware of how close you are to him. Another thing you’ve recently become aware of: the fact that he’s taken his gloves off, and you are experiencing uninterrupted hand to hand contact. It makes you feel a way you can’t describe, but it’s not the feelings you had for him before. </p><p>“Tell me about the Jedi,” He says suddenly. </p><p>It catches you a little off guard, but you indulge him anyway. “The Jedi live by a code, like Mandalorians, but it’s based on two opposing forces coexisting but one being stronger than the other. Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.” </p><p>“Sounds hypocritical.” </p><p>“It’s practical,” You tell him. “No one extreme can exist on it’s own, they all exist with each other, sometimes all inside of one person,” He thinks he knows who you're talking about. “Granted, the Mandalorian code is clearer and by some accounts more interesting but there's a reason they’ve been at war for so long.” </p><p>“When we are attacked, we retaliate.” </p><p>“And so do jedi, but there’s something to be said for compromise. Not that I’m the best example of that, or any of the teachings really but from the outside looking in the goal is to compromise where you can and when there’s no room to try and bring people together then you have to stand your ground.” </p><p>He tilts his head again, “You don’t compromise much.” </p><p>“In practice, I’ve found that people don’t respond to compromise as well as the teaching would hope they would.” </p><p>“You’ve made it sound even more hypocritical,” He says. </p><p>You sigh, “The universe isn’t black and white, Mando.” </p><p>“It’s Din,” He says suddenly, “My name is Din Djarin.” </p><p>You smile, “The world isn’t black and white, Din.” You continue, “A lot of things and a lot of people are a mess of contradictions.” </p><p>“Including you,” He says. </p><p>You nod quickly, “Especially me.” </p><p>You have another moment, something passes between the two of you and the silence is no longer tense. You’ve been fighting with him since the moment you met him, and now you're not fighting and you don’t want to fight verbally or physically. Which is something. </p><p>He finishes, and he stands to walk back to the cockpit. “They’re not as different as you think, Mandalorians and Jedi.” He turns back to look at you, “We’re both stubborn.” </p><p>That makes him laugh. </p><p>There’s something familiar about the way that makes you feel, and it gives you an idea. “I know you don’t want to go to Chandrila, but if laying low is the plan, I know a place.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>what can I say? I live for the trope where one person is patching up the others wound and they also have a deep conversation.. its perfect. Also reader is constantly violent and impulsive so eventually her and Din end up doing this one a lot. He's the brains in this relationship and she's the muscle.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. I know better now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>to lie low you bring the Mandalorian to a place you've been avoiding, and reveal something else to him,</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is where my insane amount of knowledge about poe dameron's backstory and child come in for plot reasons... I know so much.... (but the part about him being basically a drug dealer does not exist to me, that book simply does not mean anything to me)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s nighttime when you get to Yavin IV. Somehow you’d convinced him that if he wants to know where the child comes from, the three of you need to go there first. It’s comfortably silent, and stagnant, not even a breeze blows through the trees.  You touch down as quietly as you can, and you breathe a sigh of relief as soon as you get your feet in the grass. You take off your shoes, which surprises Din. “I told you, I grew up on a farm,” You tell him. </p><p>“Does not explain not wanting to wear shoes.” </p><p>“I haven’t felt grass in forever,” You reply. </p><p>“You miss home,” He observes.</p><p>“Come on,” You say, as the child squirms in his arms, “We’re almost there.” </p><p>The door opens to the house and Kes Dameron steps out onto the porch, blaster drawn. Din reaches for his own blaster but you grab his hand to stop him, and signal him to stand back as you walk forward. You walk towards the house slowly, ready to dodge if he shoots which you don’t think he will. </p><p>“Hey,” You say, arms raised. “It’s me.” </p><p>He looks at you in shock and lowers the weapon. You see a figure crouched behind his legs, but as soon as you step into the light of the porch a little boy runs out into your arms. You smile as soon as you see him, and you scoop him up into your arms. Poe Dameron squeals your name, and you squeeze him tight. “Hi kid, I missed you.” </p><p>“You did?” His eyes are just like his mothers and they look at you with wonder. </p><p>“Of course I did,” You say, trying to hide the tiredness in your voice. </p><p>Kes finally leaves the porch and comes out to meet you, you can tell even more so now that he’s surprised to see you. To be fair, you're surprised that you came back as much as he is but desperate times. “Hi,” He says never taking his eyes off you. </p><p>“Hi.” You say back, allowing yourself to have a moment. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” He asks, finally.</p><p>“I’m in trouble, just a little bit.” </p><p>“Oooh,” Poe coos from your arms, “Are you going to get a timeout?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” You tickle him a little and he giggles, “Maybe.” </p><p>“What kind of trouble?” Kes asks you. </p><p>“The Jedi kind,” You sigh, “You’re not in danger but I need a place to lie low for a couple of cycles, and I need to use the tree.” </p><p>“Of course,” He says, “I still don’t know how you use that thing but it’s all yours.” </p><p>“I’ve explained it to you, multiple times,” You narrow your eyes at him. “You don’t listen,” You break with a smile. </p><p>“Probably because it makes no sense.” </p><p>The trees rustle and you turn your attention back to the tree line. You forgot that Din was there, oops. “Also I brought a-friend with me.” As if on cue, Din steps out of the tree line and Kes is surprised again. </p><p>He looks at you with wide eyes, “Did you go home?” </p><p>That’s a loaded question and he knows it. He should also know that you wouldn’t find him at home, though most people have a different definition of home than you do. “I didn’t, I just happened upon him.” </p><p>“That’s very coincidental considering the fact that you-“ </p><p>You cut him off, by punching him in the arm when Din gets close enough to hear you. “Just a coincidence,” You say with a smile, signaling to him that the conversation about that is over. “Anyways I appreciate you doing me this favor and-“ You turn to Poe, who’s beginning to fall asleep in your arms, “shouldn’t you be in bed?” </p><p>He’s asleep now and you smile, walking into the house with Din at your heels. The two men stand in the kitchen as you put the young boy to bed in his room, you tuck him in softly and close the door quietly. </p><p>You see the way that Kes is looking at you from the kitchen counter, and you sigh. You turn to Din, “You should probably go check on the ship.” He looks at you confused at first, but eventually he nods and walks out of the front door. You turn to Kes, bracing yourself for the conversation you’ve been avoiding for the past year. “So.. long time no see.” </p><p>“That’s a nice way of putting it.” </p><p>A long drawn out pause ensues, “I’m going to be perfectly honest with you, like I always have been. I don’t know what to say here.” You keep your distance, “I’m not going to say I’m sorry because I know it will just make it worse.” </p><p>“But you are sorry?” </p><p>“Of course I am.” </p><p>“You told me you were done with Mandalorians years ago.” </p><p>You knew he was going to bring it up, you cross your arms over your chest and lean back in your chair, “I am.” He’s going to push it, and he’s going to push your buttons because he knows what they are. He’s angry with you, it doesn’t take a genius to know that, and on some level he has every right to be. </p><p>He crosses his arms in an attempt to mimic you and gives it right back to you, “It doesn’t look like it.” </p><p>“It’s a long story,” You start, knowing that he’ll tell you that he has time so you continue on with the story. “That child he has is force sensitive and I need it before it causes too much trouble. I didn’t think a Mandalorian was protecting it. You saw Mandalore, I didn’t think any of them were left.” </p><p>He looks at you in a way that you used to beg him to. He looks like he wants to reach across the table and grab your hand, “I know but-” </p><p>“What?” You ask, though you already know what he’s going to say. You know exactly what this whole conversation has been about, the issue that he’s been trying to unearth. It’s not about Din, it never was, it always was about you and where you’ve been. </p><p>“It’s been a long time, and you just show up out of nowhere. You didn’t even want to come, you just needed something from me.” </p><p>“I wanted to come,” You say, with emotion tickling at the back of your throat. You really don’t want to talk about it, but you figure that you're going to have to face it now or later. “It’s hard for me too, to be here, to see the two of you-”</p><p>“Hard for you? It’s harder for me and my son-”</p><p>“I can’t do anything about that!” You raise your voice louder than you mean to. “She was my best friend, Kes, and I miss her but I cannot be here,” You pause trying to hold back the emotion in your voice that threatens to overtake your entire argument. “You don’t want me here,” You say quieter than the rest of it, “Neither of you want me here. I am not his mother, I cannot be his mother, and you-” That’s a whole other thing altogether. “You don’t want me here.” </p><p>His voice is softer this time, “I want you here.” </p><p>You know what he means, you know what all of this means, and you’re mad at yourself for even coming here knowing what you know and knowing the history. He thinks he wants you here, but he doesn’t. What he wants is  his wife back and he’s trying to hold onto you like you're some piece of her that’ll fit into a puzzle he’s trying to solve. Maybe you are, maybe you hold some piece of her with you, but you still don’t fit. </p><p>“I told you I couldn’t be here, I told you that this isn’t my life and that I couldn’t do all of this. There will always be people looking for me, always someone who wants to kill me and everyone that I love, I won’t put you in harm's way.” </p><p>“And suddenly I’m getting a sense of deja vu.” </p><p>“You ask me everytime to stay and I tell you that I can’t. It’s the same story, so what makes you keep asking?” </p><p>“Because every time I don’t want you to leave.” </p><p>“Well maybe if you didn’t want me to leave you could stop being so mad when I show up.” </p><p>He’s smiling, “Can’t help it.”</p><p>“I know, being a jerk comes so naturally to you,” You laugh a little. “I will stop avoiding you from now on. I will come back here to your stupidly beautiful farm and stay for a couple of days at least.” </p><p>“I’d ask you to promise-”<br/>“-but you know I don’t do that.” </p><p>“Speaking of things that you don’t do, I think that you should reveal something personal about yourself.” </p><p>“To you?” </p><p>“To him.” </p><p>You roll your eyes, “And what do you suggest I tell him? That I don’t make promises, that I spent six months on a swamp planet with a tiny green thing, that I crashed two x wings in the course of two weeks and or something else that shatters the image I’ve built up of myself.” </p><p>“You always want people to be afraid of you.”</p><p>“I don’t want people to challenge me, very different.” </p><p>“I don’t think it's going to make him want to challenge you.” </p><p>You sigh, “I know, but it feels like I’ve lied about it this entire time.” </p><p>“Well the best remedy for that is to just come clean.” </p><p>You get up from the table and walk out into the yard. The tree glows blue in the harsh moonlight, you're drawn to it like you always are, like you're sure Luke was the moment he first laid eyes on the sapling. The way the force flows through it is familiar, you don’t know if it has the answers you're looking for but what scares you more is not finding them. </p><p>You reach out to the tree, putting your hand against its body. The energy is even more powerful when you can touch it yourself, like how the force is clearer when Jedi meditate together. It’s about the physicality of touch, the bringing together of hands, the closeness that comes from being able to hold onto someone or something and not want to let go. </p><p>You know Din is behind you before he even says anything, you've become more sensitive to the way he moves, the tiny telltale signs that he's close.</p><p>“I was looking for Mandalorians before I found you. I went to Mandalore after the empire-” You don’t even say it, “I stood in the ashes of the capitol and wondered where it all went wrong, and then I wondered if there were more. Which is more than just curiosity.” </p><p>“I figured it was more than that,” He says. </p><p>“So you know what it is then?” </p><p>You realize as you close your eyes and feel in tune with the tree that you should just come out with it. You’ve been with him for three days now, and if he wasn’t already suspicious then he should be. You turn around and his helmet is in his hands. </p><p>“I’m Mandalorian.”</p><p>“You’re Mandalorian.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>.. plot twist?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. conversations in the dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you tell him everything (well almost)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If you weren’t so in your own head, you probably would have kissed him. It feels right, you can see his face for the first time and the moonlight is drenching everything in a light glow, a breeze makes its way through the trees.It’s the kind of moment that a normal person would think is perfect , but you're too in your own head to make the most of it. You just stand there, staring, taking in every inch of his face until finally he says something. </p><p>“Tell me about your parents.” </p><p>You don’t shy away from the question for the first time. “My father never told me how they met, but I assume it was some chance meeting. They ran off together, lived on this tiny farm in the outer rim where no one would find them but she got unhappy, she missed her home, she missed her people. Instead of leaving him, she had me, and I kept her there for a while,” This is the part that you really don’t want to tell anyone, “She was never going to stay, it was only delaying the inevitable. They argued everyday before she left, I’d lay awake in bed listening to the shouting and I could feel the anger they both had, only she resented him for trapping her there. The next day she was gone, and that was it.” </p><p>He nods slowly, and takes a step towards you, “And you went to look for her.”</p><p>You laugh, but it's cold and hollow. You shake your head, wanting to push him away, “She tried to stage a rebellion against Vizsla and the Empire, it was early on in their rule and they needed Mandalore under their thumb. She died way before I could get to her.” You shrug. You feel responsible for a lot of things, for your father dying, for everyone who died under your command, for everyone who's gotten close to you and ended up in harm's way but your mother is the one person you have never felt responsible for.</p><p>“I want you,” You say suddenly, “But you don’t want me. You think you do, but you don’t. My birthright is losing love, and running and leaving. I can love someone but I can’t keep them, because I will always run. I can be with you the way you want me to be, the way that I want to be.” More than anything you just want to let out a long scream, “I am not enough for you.” <br/>“You are everything to me,” He says, taking you aback. It seems to surprise him too. </p><p>You laugh, genuinely and loudly, “You met me three days go.” </p><p>His cheeks go pink, “You just said you loved me.” </p><p>“Love is one thing,” You say, stay smiling, “Being someone’s everything is a completely different story. I know I was going pretty fucking far into the whole trauma bodning confessional but I did not expect you to match me in intensity.” You say, “I’m not rational, if this is going to work you have to be the one who thinks about things.” </p><p>He rolls his eyes, “And now your back to admitting you want this to work.” </p><p>“Of course I want this to work.” </p><p>“You just said-” </p><p>“I just want you to know what you’re getting into.” </p><p>“Oh I am well aware-” And then he kisses you. </p><p>And all of a sudden you're kissing him back. </p><p>You’re just standing there, more vulnerable than you’ve been in a long time, kissing him and the world around you doesn’t change or anything. Both of you still have a lot of issues to sort out, and the empire is still looking for you but there’s something to be said for a kiss that doesn’t change a lot but means everything. </p><p>That night you sleep wrapped up in his arms. </p><p>He’s asleep faster than you even thought was possible. It’s like he’s been waiting for this moment for so long, and he’s ready to take full advantage. For you sleep is more elusive than that, but you're more than happy to see him so relaxed. The last couple of days have been hectic to say the least, and while you're used to that kind of constant motion you suspect that he stops and smells the roses every once and awhile. </p><p>You think about getting up and walking around, but you don’t want to risk waking anyone up. The problem is that you feel like you're just tempting fate by allowing yourself to settle down. By allowing yourself to sleep you're ignoring the fact that the empire remnant is still looking for you, that sith seems pretty intent on killing you and you still have no way to get in contact with Luke. </p><p>Even if you did, you didn’t know what you would say. Everything is so blurred now, you can’t even untangle what your mission is anymore. And maybe that’s why you can’t sleep, because now that you’ve settled down and thought about it you have no idea why you're even still here. You're in love with the Mandalorian, which is beyond any semblance of reason but that doesn’t make it any less true. </p><p>As you lay there and listen to his snores, you let your mind wander and think about how you could stay like this forever. It’s a new feeling, because you’ve never wanted to stick around one place for too long, after what happened. You’ve learned it's selfish to hold onto things, that you have to allow things to change as rapidly as they wanted to. Only you don’t want this to change, you want to hold onto this moment and somehow make it last forever.</p><p>The next morning you know exactly where you need to go to find the answer Din is looking for. “We need to go to Ilum.” </p><p>He narrows his eyes at you in the orange light of the sunrise, “That’s a wasteland, a cold barren wasteland.” </p><p>“Now it is,” You tell him, “But what it used to be was a sacred planet to the Jedi, the kyber crystals that power lightsabers are found primarily on Ilum or at least they used to be.” </p><p>“And you think that the empire left anything when they destroyed the place and all but took it off the map?” </p><p>You shrug, “I don’t know, Vader was evil but he was calculating he wouldn’t do something that wasn’t in his best interest. There could still be structures there, but even if there isn’t it’s still a place deeply connected to the force.” </p><p>“You think that’ll work?” </p><p>“Do you have a better idea?” You shoot back. </p><p>He presses a quick kiss to your lips and shakes his head. </p><p>“I’m always right,” You tease him. You stand up from the bed, and then fall right back into it dramatically with your arms and legs stretched out. “Fuck, now I have to tell Kes I’m fucking leaving.” </p><p>“I can tell you what not to do,” He smiles, “Whatever last night was.” </p><p>You narrow your eyes, “Really because-” You realize what he’s talking about, “Oh wait you mean our conversation last night not-” He laughs and then nods. “I was in a very emotional place right now, and the only other person I’ve ever admitted to having feelings for-” You wince, “-lives here.” </p><p>He looks at you for a long time, but says, “I figured.” </p><p>“You figured?”</p><p>“People don’t get that angry at each other unless they’re family or-”</p><p>“Well I appreciate you not saying that at all last night, not even hinting at it,” You say, “You and this whole keeping your observations to yourself thing will not work if we’re going to be partners.”</p><p>He smiles and you almost melt, “We’re partners?”</p><p>“I mean we have kicked ass together multiple times, and looked very attractive while doing it. Us not being partners would be a crime to the entire galaxy.” </p><p>He stands and gets out of the bed, then holds out his hand to you. “Come on, let’s do this.”</p><p>You sigh, “Seeing as I am the only one doing it I think that I shouldn’t.” </p><p>“Fine,” He says, “I’ll do it but you have to retrieve the kid.” </p><p>You roll out of the bed with a huff, “I’m getting up.” You pick up your clothes off the ground and pull them on, “I’m not going to touch that little fucking thing, I told you it creeps me out.” </p><p>“It’s a baby,” He says. </p><p> </p><p>“I'm not even going to respond to that.” </p><p>You find Kes in the kitchen after Din takes the kids out into the yard. </p><p>“I’m a runner,” It catches him off guard as he stands in the middle of the kitchen. The sun has fully risen, bathing everything in the hot yellow light. When he turns to you, the sun illuminates his face. “I run from things,” You know where you're going but it doesn’t make it any easier to say, “I run when things get hard, I go away when there are things that I don’t want to do, I turn away when there is something I can’t face.” </p><p>He doesn’t move an inch, he just looks hurt, “I never thought that you would need to run from me.” </p><p>“It’s not you,” You tell him. “I didn’t want to face the fact that she’s dead, I still don’t. This is her life, and being here hurts because it reminds me of how much she wanted to be here to live it, how excited she was to finally be able to raise her son and be with you. This is hard, and so I ran.” You pause, “Now is the point where I’m going to say I’m sorry.” </p><p>A smile pulls at the edge of his lips, “You? Saying sorry? I don’t know if I believe it.” You both laugh. He leans against the counter, “Did you find what you were looking for?” </p><p>You take a breath, and smile a little. “I think I have.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>is the real villian of this story... abandonment issues? </p><p>jk it's still gideon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. not the way I thought</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you go to Ilum to try and find answers but you find something else.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ilum is cold. </p><p>You’re wrapped up in one of Shara’s old coats, which you’re trying not to think about too much. You’re fighting against yourself, against your instinct to run at every second. On the way here, you’d imagine what would happen if you did, if you just got a ship and went off to some settlement in the outer rim. You imagined starting a completely new life, getting a new identity, and living out the rest of your days in anonymity. No longer the woman who helped kill the emperor, who led the rebels to victory in a few battles, no longer the jedi who everyone can’t help but gawk at. </p><p>It’s not healthy and you know it. No one in their right mind would sit casually and imagine leaving behind everyone you love and have ever loved without a trace. Normal people would think of the pain that would cause their loved ones, the hours they’d spend searching for you even though you don't want to be found. But you’ve been through enough trauma for at least a lifetime, and the thought of disappearing from your life completely feels like somewhat of a relief. </p><p>But you’re not running now.</p><p>Now you’re trying to find an ice formation on a planet that is full of ice formations. You’re not the best at planning things, usually you make some kind of rash decision based on incomplete information or impulse and then figure things out from there. This is one of those times, only a bit worse because again: Ilum is cold. </p><p>“Are you sure it’s even still here?” Din asks. He’s closer than normal, standing so close behind you that he almost touches your back. The child babbles something from his place at Din’s side, which you don’t even come close to understanding. </p><p>You sigh, “I am not sure.” </p><p>“But you think so?” </p><p>“It’s more of a feeling. I feel the presence of something here that’s important, but it could be residual-” You shake your, “I have never felt so much pressure to be sure of something in my life.” </p><p>“Really?” He sounds surprised, “Not even during the battle of-”</p><p>You spin around immediately, “You were talking to Kes, weren’t you?” </p><p>He tilts his head to the side, which you are beginning to be able to decipher. He uses it to convey a multitude of emotions, and in this case, guilt. “Not for very long,” He says. </p><p>Nice to know he still has a healthy amount of fear. You roll your eyes and laugh softly, “Well he loves to tell that story, little does he know I pretty much pulled that plan out of my ass.” </p><p>“Now that sounds like the you I know,” He teases. </p><p>You turn around and start walking again, and he follows. “I was a different person then,” You say, squinting briefly at some of the ice structures you pass. “I was more impulsive than I am now, if you can believe that and I was trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do with my life.” </p><p>“And do you know now?” He asks. </p><p>It’s a loaded question, but you're distracted briefly by something you think you see on the ground in front of you. “No,” You say quickly, bending down and digging through some of the thick snow covering the ground in front of you. </p><p>“It’s a dead end,” He points ahead of you. </p><p>“Maybe not,” You clear the snow finally and what you think is a piece of an image. “Move back,” you tell him as you get to your feet. You stand, and close your eyes then use the force to push all of the snow back and make the image appear. It’s the symbol of the old jedi order, the one you remember seeing a thousand times during childhood. “Found it.” </p><p>“Isn’t there supposed to be a building?” </p><p>“Give me a minute,” You smile at him, “One can only do so much magic in such a short period of time.” You look down at the symbol and realize that it is going to take a lot to open this on your own. You look back to Din, “Hand me the child.” </p><p>He physically holds onto the pouch he’s holding the child in. “Are you sure?” He asks you. </p><p>“No,” You tell him, “But I’m going to need him if we want to get this thing open.” </p><p>He hands you the child, looking as nervous as you feel. It squirms in your arms, and you grumble, “Little fucking baby.” You put it down on top of the symbol, “Okay baby, just stand there, and be yourself I guess.” You bend down next to it, and place your hand right in the center. “Well here goes nothing.” To your surprise, the baby copies you and you think that maybe this whole thing will work. </p><p>You close your eyes and try to channel as much of your energy as you can into the ground. It takes what feels like a long time, and by the time you feel the temple emerging from the ground with a lot of shaking and crumbling of the ice and rock around it you’re ready to take a very long nap. You collapse onto the ground and lie on your back for a while, until Din appears above you. </p><p>“Are you okay?” </p><p>“Is no an acceptable answer?” You groan. He sighs animatedly, “What? I was just kidding.” You try to get up, but fall right onto your back, and he shakes his head as he offers you his hand to pull you up. </p><p>“You snore for the record,” You say, wiping the snow off your pants. “I say this because I thought it was cute last night until it was late and I couldn’t fall asleep even when I wanted to.” You start off towards the door to the temple. <br/>“You're blaming me for this then?” </p><p>“Maybe I am.” </p><p>“I could blame you for dragging me all the way out here.” </p><p>“But you won’t.” </p><p>And he doesn’t. </p><p>The temple is massive on the inside. It’s still cold as it is on the planet's surface, but the pillars made of miraculously stable ice shoot high into the ceiling as you walk in. It’s beautiful, the way that the light reflects off the entire room, but you can see the damage from the empire. Holes burned into the side walls, the entryway to the kyber crystal cave barred shut. The force helped you find this place, but it’s power has weakened over the years. All of the crystals that once resided her have been taken, but the one in your lightsaber still hums and pushes against the hilt, like it’s trying to escape. </p><p>“What are we looking for?” </p><p>“I’m not exactly sure,” You say as you walk through to look around. He shakes his head again. “You can’t really know exactly what you’re looking for when you come to places like this. The empire found whatever temples it could and destroyed them, burnt some of them to the ground. Some of them have nothing left, and some of them have old pieces of archives.” </p><p>“So we’re nowhere?” </p><p>“You’re such a downer, this is closer than you were before you met me.” </p><p>“A lot of things have changed since I met you.” </p><p>“Haar'chak,” You curse, as the sound of class shattering fills the room. </p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>“I broke a few things,” You stand over the shattered glass as he walks over to you.“I got a feeling.” </p><p>“What kind of feeling?”</p><p>“Not a good one,” He puts his hand on your shoulder and you squeeze back briefly. “There’s something wrong here,” your eyes go to the door briefly but suddenly an instinct takes over your body and you pull Din to the ground. </p><p>Before he can ask you what the heck you're doing, the shooting starts. Suddenly blasts of energy assaults the temple and you hold onto his arm as tightly as you can as the child whimpers. It feels like it goes on forever, but eventually it stops. You stand up and try to make your way to the doorway when they start shooting again. You hit the ground, hard, but otherwise unhurt and grumble, “For fucks sake.” </p><p>Then it stops, and there is an eerie silence. You’re waiting for it to start again maybe, or maybe to get that feeling in the pit of your stomach warning you of what’s coming. You get onto your feet and finally make it to the doorway. You look to Din, who’s close behind as always, “Stay here.” You tell him, but you can tell he doesn’t want to, “I’m serious, you have to protect that thing.” He sighs, then nods, and you're off again. </p><p>Terrible idea number 564, walking out into a firing squad and expecting that they won’t just shoot you down. They don’t, but the hubris is visible nonetheless. </p><p>“I assume you came here looking for me,” You say. </p><p>Gideon scoffs, “You think too highly of yourself, we also came for the child.” </p><p>“Unfortunate thing is he’s not here, so I guess you're stuck with me.” </p><p>He ignites the darksaber and holds it in his hand lazily, thinking that you would be threatened by that. The sith stands dutifully at his side, the bloodlust in her eyes clear: even if he didn’t come here for you, she surely would. </p><p>“Though I’m sure you’re lying, jedi, you’ll have to do for now. What would you prefer we do with you? Kill you right here, or an execution somewhere more public?” He looks like he’s absolutely salivating at the thought of it. “Something to show everyone that their precious new republic is nothing but a scam, and the jedi are the false gods they’ve always been, doomed to fail by their own hubris?” </p><p>You resent that. You ignite your own lightsaber, and hold it facing the ground at your side. In your hands, it's deadly, more so than in anyone else's and they should all know that. “You think you’re more powerful than me then?” You take a few steps down the staircase. “With what? That thing? Didn’t your mother tell you not to play with the adult toys? But then again that was the modus operandi for the empire back in the good ol days wasn’t it? Constantly messing with things that you couldn’t possibly understand. Got a lot of people killed that way.” </p><p>“You mentioned mother, funny how you followed in the footsteps of yours.” He shakes his head, “Another disgusting rebel terrorizing the galaxy, good thing hers was snuffed out.” </p><p>You don’t flinch, “I fought the war in her honor. Killed a lot of your precious soldiers as revenge, and then somewhere along the way I started to like it. I guess I have to thank you then, for bringing me some more. I missed knocking their little bucket heads together.” </p><p>“I don’t think you’ll get that far-”</p><p>You see the look in her eyes, she’s tired of waiting for him to make the first move. She’s going to strike while she thinks that you're distracted. “Well let’s get on with it then?” You move into a defensive stance just as she makes a run for it. You do a backflip just as she slices forward, which surprises her enough that she almost falls all the way over. She recovers and makes another run for it, slicing wildy and preventing you from doing anything other than defending yourself. She pushes you back a few feet and you fall onto the ground, hurrying to get up before she makes another move. </p><p>Gideon is not keeping good enough control of the darksaber. As you take a step back to try and give yourself more room for a defensive motion, you call it into your hands. She jumps up and goes to slice right down the middle of your body, but you use both lightsabers in a crossed position to block her attack and push her back about twenty feet through the air.</p><p>Somehow, she lands on her feet, and uses a wave of power to push you back a few feet which leaves tracks in the snow below you. She looks, more disbelieved than she has before, her hair is falling out of her perfectly made braids and swipes away some hair from her face. As she walks towards you, she drags her lightsaber on the ground menacingly melting all the snow so that the dark brown dirt is exposed. It leaves a long line of dirt right in the middle of the makeshift battlefield, she doesn’t run at you and she just walks and stares at you with daggers in her eyes.</p><p>Gideon just stands off to the side and looks useless. He just watches in awe like you suspect Din is. Gideon has been playing with powers he doesn’t understand, and you think that maybe he’s just realizing that right now. She was never under his control, she was always using him for her own purposes seeking out jedi and killing them. If everyone had just stayed in their own lane, including Din she would’ve never been able to find you or the child she clearly wants so desperately. Or maybe you're just lamenting everyone’s else’s role in this to distract from the fact that you don’t know if you can win this.</p><p>It’s fine, it’s fine, you can do this.</p><p>You ready yourself and get in a defensive stance. You’re ready for whatever she wants to do whatever revenge she wants to inflict on you for gaining the upper hand. She stands a few feet away from you, and waits a few seconds before just laying into you. She slices her blade rapidly in that angry, uncoordinated way that the sith and some jedi fight. It usually wouldn’t work, but the speed and quantity at which she strikes makes it an effective strategy.</p><p>You drop the darksaber to the side, unable to keep track of two lightsabers amid her attacks, and try to give yourself space to think of something to do. You throw her back again, and she’s too involved in her own attacks to stop you. You ready yourself for a defensive maneuver, and run for it making a jump high so you can come down from above her.</p><p>Only she sees you coming. As soon as you jump, she slices, bringing the lightsaber across your torso with a sound that you can’t even describe. You fall to the ground, unable to move because the burning sensation is too strong. The thing about lightsaber wounds is that they cauterize instantly, not a drop of blood touches the white snow, but it doesn’t make the pain any less.</p><p>You lay on your back, unable to get up, and just try to breathe. The breaths don’t come easily because your panicking and the pain blurbs everything. Suddenly, she leers above you with her lightsaber raised, you can’t move to do anything. She says something but you can’t hear it and she pulls the lightsaber up, holding it high above your body, the red blade bathes her face in it’s glow, and the light glints off the snow surrounding the two of you. The kyber crystal screams from inside of the lightsaber, she’s filled it with all her anger, rage, suffering, and clearly her hope for revenge on her enemies. They both have been waiting a long time to kill someone like you. </p><p>She moves to slice down, but suddenly something comes flying through the air. She stops it easily but when she turns to see where it came from you both see Din standing two feet away, holding the darksaber in his hand. Your first thought is, you have no idea how to use that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>~season 2 finale spoilers~</p><p>I wrote this before I saw the finale but I just thought that Din with the darksaber would be *hot* so honestly MY MIND seems like the team on the Mandalorian agreed with me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. fades into the gray</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>you go back home.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>last chapter guys... how we feeling?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your right, of course, he has no idea how to use it but somehow he manages to use it in a way that won’t get him killed. There’s absolutely no grace to it at all, the measured slices that you would normally see from lightsaber users are nonexistent but you're really trying your best not to critique his fighting style seeing as you're lying on the ground, no longer bleeding but still in no shape to get up. The thing about lightsaber wounds is they cauterize almost instantly which stops bleeding but does nothing for the intense pain that comes from having a sword sliced across your abdomen. </p><p>But somehow, you get to your feet. Probably by sure force of will, because there’s no medical reason that you’ll be able to do anything but lay on your back like a turtle. As the stormtroopers start to converge on Din’s position, no doubt on Gideon’s order, you use as much energy as you can to push them into the opposing sides of the canyon. They hit the ice so hard they leave cracks, and then haphazardly fall to the ground. You weren’t fully lying when you told Gideon you missed throwing stormtroopers around. </p><p>The pain throws you to the ground again, and your vision blurs. Suddenly Gideon is standing over you, with a smile on his face. </p><p>“I do think I am more powerful than you,” He says, his voice perfectly monotone. <br/>You bring him to his knees. </p><p>You could kill him right now, standing over him as he’s powerless against the weight of the force on top of him, you think about killing him. Every other time, you’re bloodlust would’ve scared you, it’s scared you for a long time now. The way you’re so willing to kill, and when you get caught up in the moment you relish being given the opportunity to exert some of the anger that lives inside of you every single day. Now is one of the moments where you desperately want to let go. “I could snap your neck,” You say, “Or slit your throat, or crush every bone in your body, or I could leave you to freeze to death-” You take a breath, small and unnoticeable, “But I won’t.” </p><p>“You should.” </p><p>You ignite your lightsaber again and hold it to his throat, “Don’t fucking tempt me.” </p><p>Suddenly Din yelps and you turn your attention to him. She hammers on him with her lightsaber, getting in hit after hit after hit, it bounces off the beskar but she doesn’t let up. She was caught off guard before, but now she takes advantage of his lack of experience with the weapon. She’s going to kill him if you don’t do something about it. </p><p>So you let Gideon go. If there was any other option you would’ve taken it, any option to do both but as always you're given a choice bagged in shades of moral greyness and you choose to protect the one you love. You bolt towards Din and the sith. But your abode men still burns from the lightsaber and the adrenaline is beginning to wear off. Right as she takes the shot at his heart, you throw the lightsaber with all the energy you can. </p><p>It goes right through her heart. </p><p>The second it does all of the air leaves your lungs and you are on the ground completely unable to move at all. Gideon is gone and the Sith is finally dead once and for all, so that’s the end of it? </p><p>Din is at your side suddenly, “Stay with me,” He says. “Don’t leave me, Don’t leave me.” </p><p>Your vision is almost completely blurred and you can feel yourself beginning to fade away. The last thing you hear is a loud noise but everything goes dark. </p><p>When you wake up your entire body is stiff. You’re definitely not on Ilum, you know that as soon as you open your eyes and see that you're in a medbay of some kind, the machines beep all around you and the walls are a dark grey. You try to sit up, only to have pain shoot through your body from your abdomen, you breath heavily as you lay back down and remember that you got scorched across the stomach by a freaking lightsaber.  </p><p>A familiar face appears above you. “Don’t move,” Luke says, “You’ll only make it worse.” </p><p>“How did you find me?” You ask him. </p><p>“You reached out to me from the temple,” He says, something flashing across his face that he can’t read, “I was too late.” </p><p>“I had it under control,” You say, trying to assuage the feeling you can now tell is worry. “Until the whole letting my guard down for one second.” </p><p>“The Mandalorian thought you were dying,” He tells you, “First he tried to kill me, and then I had to explain to him that you were very much alive.” </p><p>You grimace, “I appreciate you not taking that personally.” </p><p>“The two of you are alike that way, very protective, prone to violence immediately upon meeting someone.”</p><p>“Are you still on that?” You groan, “It was years ago, did it really bruise your ego that much?” </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He says with a smile, “I was simply making an observation, I wasn’t connecting it to any event past or present.” </p><p>You roll your eyes, “Whatever.” </p><p>“But since you brought up Dagobah-” He pauses, “You could’ve mentioned the very small baby yoda.” </p><p>You scrunch your nose, “That thing scares the shit out of me, it’s nothing like yoda well besides the obvious carnivore part.” </p><p>He doesn’t say anything for a while, just sits there and looks at you. He wants to say something, you know he does but for some reason he’s stopped himself from saying. “You kind of left me here,” He says, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back into his chair, “Why didn’t you call me?” </p><p>You sigh and lean your head back into the pillow, “I thought that I could handle it by myself. I wanted to get into contact with you but then I couldn’t, but when I could I just convinced myself I could do it on my own. I don’t want to leave you, especially without any explanation, but I had things I needed to figure out on my own.” You roll onto your side so that you’re looking right at time, “We’ve known each other a long time, and we’re not the same people we used to be, but we’ve been acting like we are for a while now. The distance wasn’t me leaving, it was when we stopped talking to each other honestly.” You take a breath, “You didn’t tell me why you didn’t want to go to Tatooine and I didn’t tell you that I was in love with you.” </p><p>He looks at the floor, “But I knew you did.” </p><p>“And I knew why you didn’t want to go,” You tap your fingers against the side of the bed, “But I didn’t say anything, and I regret that because I want to be honest with you. Our relationship is especially fucking complicated but I want you no matter what and sometimes I don’t say things because I feel like everyone is going to leave me eventually.” </p><p>“I’m not going to leave you,” He says, “And neither is the Mandalorian, for the record. I’ve been in a strange place these days.” </p><p>“I think that’s called growing up, Skywalker.” </p><p>“Or maybe adjusting to the galaxy finally being at peace.” </p><p>He says it and then the two of you look at eachother. “Well,” You both say at the same time. </p><p>“I know what you mean,” You say, you always know what he means. </p><p>“In the spirit of honesty, I want to say that,” He pauses, embarrassed, “I also had feelings for you the entire time we were on Dagobah.” </p><p>You laugh, “Your kidding, right? I was so mean to you.” </p><p>He tries to keep himself from laughing too, “I know but I liked it. The moment you had me pinned under your boot I was like I want this girl to marry me.” </p><p>You laugh even harder, “Well nice to know physical intimidation also doubles as a flirting tactic.” You think about it a little longer, “Looking back, seeing you as a lovesick nineteen year old makes a lot of things make more sense.” </p><p>“Well if I was a lovesick nineteen year old then what are you now?”</p><p>“A thirty two year old woman who happened to have feelings for her best friend,” You shiver, “That was just to make me admit how old I am wasn’t it?” </p><p>He shrugs, still smiling, “And also to make you admit that I’m your best friend.” </p><p>“You know everything about me, there’s no one else that it could possibly be.” </p><p>“He’s with Leia,” He says suddenly, picking up on your thoughts, “She’s been obsessed with him since he got here.” </p><p>“Oh fuck,” You groan again, “She’s going to scare him off I know she is, it’s only been a few hours-”</p><p>“-it’s been three days.” </p><p>“I’m sorry what?” </p><p>“You’ve been here unconscious for three days,” He bites his lip for a second, “So you can see the issue with me trying to convince the mandalorian that you weren’t dead, when you laid her for a long time looking very dead if we’re being honest.” </p><p>You grimace again, “And what did you tell him?” </p><p>“That I could feel you through the force.” </p><p>“Fuuuuuuuck,” You say, burning your face in the pillow, “Yeah he’s definitely gone, I’m serious he is leaving the skywalker twins at it again, ruining my love life in tandem, kind of poetic isn’t it?” You narrow your eyes at him. </p><p>“Hey,” He raises his hands in mock surrender, “I didn’t know she was my sister! How many times do I have to say that? And I was doing the best I could. What else was I supposed to say? You looked very deceased.” <br/>“You can stop saying that because we all knew I wasn’t dead, I literally raised a temple from the ground, and then fought with two lightsabers very well I might add.” </p><p>“Until you allowed yourself to get burned.” </p><p>“Obviously until that point.” </p><p>“I missed you,” He says suddenly. </p><p>“I missed you too, Master Jedi,” You tease him. “I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, just so you’re aware. At the risk of being very cliche, I went all around the galaxy only to realise I want to be here with all the stuffy senators, and you and Leia and Ben.” </p><p>He waits, and when you don’t say it he says, “You’re just going to leave him out?” </p><p>“I would go across the galaxy to get away from him,” You deadpan, giving him a look so that he knows not to cross you about it. </p><p>“I’m just going to go get the Mandalorian now,” He says, standing up from the chair. “Just so you don’t kill me with that look.”</p>
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